Stupid dating moves. We all make them.

Lying, snooping, over-emoting, drunk-dialing -- sometimes things seem like good ideas at the time. Often alcohol, which makes most ideas seem like good ones, is involved.
 

 

Can you salvage your dignity? Maybe. If you've done something that requires an apology,  New York dating expert and CEO of "lovelife management" company cablight.com, Nancy Slotnick offers some simple advice: "I think the best way to bounce back is to take responsibility. Own it, come clean and say you're sorry. Also, say you won't do it again. And make some reference to the future, suggesting that you'll be there in the future."

 

Humor goes a long way too. "Make a joke if you can," says Slotnick. "Making a joke about yourself is the best. I wouldn't recommend making a joke about the other person."

 

Slotnick also points out the hierarchy of communication tools as something to be aware of. "Text message is like the lowest on the totem pole. Then email, then phone. It's usually better to meet face-to-face."

 

All very sage counsel. But manoeuvring your way out of some holes can be tricky. Here are a few examples and some crafty suggestions (Slotnick might not always agree with the way I see things).

 

Usually we do this after breaking up but some of us have a "just add booze" trigger finger that goes for the phone even before things have come to an angry head. Like, say, you went on a date and thought it went well but after three days they haven't called (which could be for any number of good reasons) so you go out for a few tee many martoonis with your buds, get home and leave the following message:

 

"I dunno what the hell ish the matter with you but I done need thish shit! WhothehelldoyouthinkyouARE??? I thought we had a connection…shomething shpeshul. You know…but yer…but yer…I dunno…OW! Who left that chair there? Well lemme tell you shomething...what was I saying…oh yeah…nobody treats me like thish. Don't ever call me agai…whoops… (crash. dial tone)" That oughtta show 'em right?  

 

Make one more attempt at contact. But just ONE. And this is the time to use email or text message. Simply write "I think I might have drunk-dialed you last night. I'm really sorry about that." Adding "I don't usually drink that much," might be a good idea. You may never hear from them again, but if you do see them, take another opportunity to apologize, make a joke about what an idiot you are, and leave it at that. They probably agree. But if you comport yourself with some decorum, you might get another chance, if that's what you want.

 

Sometimes when we're nervous we talk a little too much and pay too little attention to what's coming out of our mouths. These bouts of verbal diarrhea often provide our companions with way too much information. For instance, you find yourself saying, "Wow! What a fun ballgame. Oh look hot dogs! Let's get some. I masturbated with one once…" Now, where should we have stopped talking class?  If you said "after let's get some," you're right. Other examples of things not to say include "and then I pooped my pants," and "after my ex cheated and gave me genital warts I went ballistic and trashed his car."

 

First, as soon as you catch yourself say, "Whoops! That was an overshare. Sorry. I'm just nervous." They might take this as a compliment. Next, stop talking about yourself right away. Start asking questions about your date, without making them feel interrogated, of course. Turn the focus off yourself and, if you can, trick them into admitting something embarrassing. Now we're even.

When we first want to impress people we often tell them things that aren't necessarily true like "I love horseracing/baseball/salsa dancing/taxidermy/needlepoint/speed metal too!" or "I'm 27, I climbed Mt. Everest, have a PhD in philosophy and am close personal friends with Steve Martin." Then, when you've been dating for a few weeks, they find out Steve Martin is in town and are all "You should call him and invite him over for a barbecue!"

If you can, cover. Yeah, it's dishonest but not necessarily a bad thing. You said you love horseracing/baseball/salsa dancing/taxidermy/needlepoint/speed metal and don't know the first thing about it? Get online and learn everything you possibly can about horseracing/baseball/salsa dancing/taxidermy/needlepoint/speed metal. You might actually discover a new interest. If not, you might have to fess up or you'll find yourself feigning enthusiasm through endless hours of dance classes or, worse, Slayer.

 

Similarly, you might not be able to turn the clock back 10 years, climb a mountain or get a speedy doctorate (though you could try saying you called Steve and he was just too busy, then later claiming you just "drifted apart"). In that case, try confessing. After sex is usually best. Simply say "I'm actually a clerk/accountant/fry cook. I just wanted to impress you and I got carried away. I'm sorry," and hopefully they'll be flattered.

 

We all look for clues to what a new person is about. They step out to get some food and we go through their medicine cabinet, fridge, bookshelf…email? Encrypted computer files? Whoa. You should have known when to stop and now you've found something you're not happy about. Serves you right.

 

Unless it's something you need to call the cops about, shut your mouth. Take it from someone who's been there. Until you're married or common-law (and even then it's rare), the snooper is NEVER in the right. Never say anything about it and hope you can live with it. If you can't, maybe you need to take a hike. At least now you know and aren't running about blissfully unaware. If you can't control yourself and absolutely must confront the person, be prepared to feel like a total tool when they point out that you had no right to be snooping. This is during the beginning of a relationship. As things progress you should get more and more access to their lives and stuff, within reason.

 

This apparently happens to a lot of people and, if you're not depressed or otherwise unstable, it's probably due to a fluctuation of hormones and release of tension. Sex can also have the other effect. I dated a guy who broke into maniacal laughter every time he came. EVERY TIME. I loved it. But it can make things a little awkward if someone you barely know is lying next to you wondering what all the blubbering is about.

 

Explain exactly what I just told you. Who's gonna argue with science? Then, it might be amusing to make yourself laugh. As Madan Kataria a.k.a. "The Guru of Giggling" and founder of Laughter Yoga would tell you (and has told me in the past), if you force laughter, you'll often find yourself actually laughing. And the great thing about laughing is it's contagious. So, maybe your bed buddy will wind up guffawing with you and everything will be awesome. Alternately, they'll think you're a freakin' psycho. But then, you know you're not, so who needs them?

 

And that's what it comes down to. Relax. To err is human and true love will overcome. Remember that when you're standing outside their house in your slippers, going through the garbage. Or staring at your phone with a wicked hangover wondering who you called last night.

 

As Slotnick says "One mistake can't blow something that's really meant to be."